Stepping Back & Breathing In

*Warning. This post has nothing to do with Singapore and our adventures. I'm breaking the rules and getting personal. But rules are made to be broken. 

Focusing on today, the people in front of you and what really matters is not always easy. What is easy is getting caught up in other people's lives, worrying about things beyond your control and thinking way too much about situations that don't matter. I have stepped away from Facebook for awhile because it was becoming a time suck for me. A place I thought I checked to see how people were doing, how kids were growing, etc. What I noticed it had become was a place where I'd compare my life to others. A place I'd log into feeling happy and log out feeling drained. Technology has been a lifeline for me in Singapore. It's been a way to connect with people, document Luke & Drew's growth, timeline our travels, etc. This blog has given me a voice from thousands of miles away. It's allowed our family & friends to feel part of our lives and I wouldn't trade it or this space for anything.

Selfishly, of course this place works for me...it's all about me. My family, my experiences, my feelings, my travels. But, just like you don't have to read it if you don't want, I realized that no one is forcing me to read pages that I don't want to.

Since stepping away from social media, I am amazed at how much time I have. Every time I'd log in to do a quick check, I would inevitably be sucked into someone's photo album. Then before I knew it, I was linked to someone's blog that I'd NEVER MET IN MY LIFE. While reading this intriguing blog, I had Luke tugging on my arm, "Mommy, come put me to bed! Wait. Who is that a picture of?" And that's when it hit me....

I'm a stalker.

There I was, sitting on my couch, completely entranced in a person's life whom I've never met. And before I knew it, the harmless act of flipping through their family pictures had turned into a straight comparison of their lives to mine. Logically, I get that every person has their own story and own path. But clearly we are beyond logic here. So when I finally got my butt off the couch, I was irritated with Luke for no reason and feeling far inferior to Miss Perfect Blogger Mom Whom I've Never Met.

Please tell me I am not the only one this happens to.

The first thing I did was take a deep breath. It was time to stop being a stalker and start being present in my life. I'm smart enough to know that in pictures, everyone's life is perfect. I'm also smart enough to know that no one's life is perfect. Life is hard. It's messy, crazy, pull-out-your-hair frustrating, and exhausting. But it's also exciting, joy filled, happy, and full of love. We only get one shot at this life thing and I certainly don't think I'll be wondering where Miss Perfect Blogger Mom is when I'm on my deathbed. So why am I worried about her now?

It's not only social media, but news stories. Oh Good God can I get sucked into a news story. And I can't stop at the story, I have to read the comments. You know, the comments of people who sit behind a computer screen and hurl judgement and criticism. And in my teacher mind, I have to figure out ways to fix these people. Make them more compassionate, empathetic, and kind. "Luke, I don't have time to put you to bed because I'm too wrapped up in making the human race more compassionate!"

It's a never ending cycle in my head.

Being 100% focused on my boys whenever I'm around them is an impossible task. Honestly, I'm not setting out to break records here people. I just want to be present. Alive in the moment and absorbing what and who is around me. Not letting other people's lives influence the path of mine. 

Our time in Singapore is short and I want to live it. Not just live through it.

Drew's tantrums on the other hand... I'm going to step back, breathe in and live through those.